Wellbeing Archives

A Letter to My (Much) Younger Self

November 15, 2017 by Sharlyn Lauby Leave a Comment

Dear 16-year old Sharlyn;

You are about to make the first of many bold moves in your life – leaving high school. Not because you hate school. Quite the contrary – you’re bored out of your (much) younger mind and want to learn more. Mom and Dad are a bit concerned that missing homecoming, prom, and graduation could scar you for life. Trust me, you’ll be fine.

But going to college at 16 will have some challenges. Take it from an older you, here are four things I wish I knew back then that might have made the transition, and life in general, a bit easier.

Everyone has an agenda. That’s not necessarily a bad thing. Agendas can be viewed as life plans and we all need a life plan, right?! The hard part is understanding there are good agendas and not-so-good agendas. There are also open agendas as well as hidden ones. Remembering that everyone has an agenda is the start. Always ask yourself, “What’s their agenda?” Again, it doesn’t have to be bad…but try to understand what it is.

Money changes everything. You’re 16 years old and have no money. But someday you will be married, with a mortgage, and bills. Oh, and there’s this thing called retirement you will need to save for. At some time in your life, you must think about accumulating wealth. The way we make money defines us. And we will be judged on how we spend our money. People will change their behavior relative to the amount of money involved. Make no mistake, money is important. Everyone knows it even though it’s hard to admit.

Each person’s moral compass is calibrated differently. Remember how I just said we all have an agenda and money is important? Well, these two factors impact decision making. There will be times when you’re asked to do things that go against everything you’ve learned is right. That doesn’t mean other people won’t have an issue with doing them anyway (see #2). And the reverse is true – there could be times you’re willing to do something others wouldn’t do. Understanding your own ethics will help you realize how others perceive ethical and moral situations.

Sensationalism sells. (Remember this when MTV introduces a show called “Jersey Shore.”) Even to this day, I have to admit I bang my head against the wall on this one. There are people in this world who will drop the F-bomb just to get noticed. Or talk about drugs, sex and politics not because it’s their belief but also just to get attention. It’s easy to get sucked into drama and sensationalism. Try to always remember there’s flash and there’s substance. Some people use a lot of flash because they have very little substance.

This letter to my younger self might sound like a bit of a downer but it’s certainly not intended that way. None of these things are evil. They are what they are; and life becomes a bit easier when we’re keenly aware that not everyone is like us. They don’t think like us, make the same decisions, or want the same things out of life. In fact, it’s what makes life interesting.

You’ll also be pleased to know in the future, you are married to a terrific guy, are blessed with good health, live in a cozy little house, and own your own business. You also still dislike mayonnaise. But you have acquired a taste for good tea and tequila.

The future is a terrific, fascinating place. Enjoy the journey.

Cheers,

From a (much) not younger you.

Oh and P.S. When Mom and Dad tell you it’s okay to quit piano lessons, don’t do it. You’ll regret it later.

Help End Domestic Violence and Financial Abuse

November 1, 2017 by Sharlyn Lauby Leave a Comment

Did you know that 1 in 4 women will experience domestic violence in her lifetime?

The number one reason that women in abusive relations can’t “just leave” is because they are financially abused. Meaning that the women don’t have the financial security to leave their abuser. According to PurplePurse.com, financial abuse holds victims in abusive relationships 98 percent of the time.

During this year’s BlogHer conference, I learned about the Allstate Foundation’s Purple Purse Project, the longest running national campaign focused on ending domestic violence through a proven solution: financial empowerment. They’ve invested over $50 million dollars since 2005.

In this powerful video, Allstate shows that you can’t always see financial abuse. To help people notice it, bystanders were offered a glimpse into a victim’s life through a lost purse.

Tennis star Serena Williams spoke at the conference about her support for the purple purse project. For organizations, a friendly fundraising competition is starting in October. If you know of a non-profit organization that offers domestic violence and financial empowerment services, tell them to check it out and consider becoming a community partner.

For individuals, consider showing your support with a purple purse charm. I’m sporting mine on my new Herschel backpack.

No one should be subjected to abuse and have their financial freedom taken away from them. The Purple Purse Project website has resources for victims and for individual wanting to help. I hope you’ll take a moment to learn more.

What We’re UP to – October 2017

October 25, 2017 by Sharlyn Lauby Leave a Comment

Watching | Good Eats

> Keith and I are foodies and nerds. That makes us big fans of Alton Brown’s old show “Good Eats”. Needless to say, we were very excited to hear that Good Eats is making a comeback. Details TBA. In the meantime, we’ll continue to watch the oldies.

Reading | Urban Monk

> I’m fascinated with the practice of mindfulness. Earlier this year, I had the chance to meet Pandit Dasa at a conference. He graciously gave me a copy of his book “Urban Monk”, which is about being a monk in New York City. Wonderful read about life, change, and balance.

Remembering | Tom Petty

> I grew up listening to Tom Petty. And of course, being from Florida, he was one of us. I must admit as I get older, it’s hard having the celebrities that I watched or listened to as I was growing up leave us. I know none of us will live forever, but at least Petty’s music will.

Working On | Decluttering

> We’ve been in a constant state of cleaning in October. Hurricane Irma made us clean up leaves and branches. Our new Apple iMacs have forced us to clean out software, cords, and cables. Meanwhile, we’re trying to slowly declutter our personal belongings for next year’s move. Swedish Death Cleaning here I come!

Feeling | Excited

> Lots going on but all is well. The holidays are coming and that will be fun. I have a few trips planned which I’m looking forward to. Changes are coming and that’s very exciting.

Planning | Photo-a-Day Project

> Every year I say I will do a photo-a-day project. And somehow it moves down on the priority list. I’m hoping if I publically declare it on the blog, it will guilt me into it. LOL! 2018 is the year I’m doing a photo-a-day. Perfect way to document our move from Fort Lauderdale to Gainesville, FL.

Loving | Pumpkin Spice

> I will totally admit I like pumpkin spice in October. I’ve always loved pumpkin, so when an entire season popped up to celebrate this squash plant, I’m on board. I’m not a fan of pumpkin Cheerios but pumpkin spice Oreos are exceptionally good. And I treat myself to one pumpkin spice latte a year.

Geeking | Writing Apps

> With my new iMac comes some adjustments. The software programs I previously used to help with grammar, formatting, etc. aren’t Mac compatible. So, I’m searching for new ones. If you have any suggestions, let me know. I’m checking out Ulysses and Hemingway right now.

What’s UP with you?

Image captured by Sharlyn Lauby somewhere off the coast of Ensenada, Mexico

Relocation? 8 Things to Consider When Deciding Where to Retire

October 18, 2017 by Sharlyn Lauby 15 Comments

At some point, everyone thinks about where they want to retire. Even if it’s for a fleeting moment, we ask ourselves the question. I know many people who are downsizing – the kids are gone and they just don’t need the space. Or they want relocation to someplace where it’s warmer. Regardless of what prompts the conversation, there are a few things to consider when thinking about where to retire.

I’m sharing this list with you because these are the items Keith and I thought about when we made our decision to move. Yep, at some point next year, we will be moving to Gainesville, Florida (Home of the Florida Gators football team.) We’re very excited about the relocation and promise to share more as things happen.

Arts, Culture, and Sports – Does the city offer the types of activities you like to do? If you like the theater, there’s no sense in moving to some place without it. If you enjoy museums, does the city have some? We’re excited that Gainesville has several parks and nature trails. And while neither of us graduated from UF, my guess is we will get caught up in college sports. (I think it might be a requirement of living there.)

History, Demographics, Religion, and Politics – It’s pretty easy to look up the history of a city on Wikipedia. You can also check out census information and demographics in terms of gender, age, etc. It could also make some sense to look at the last election results. Do you feel your voice will be heard? And make sure you feel you can openly practice your faith in the city you choose.

Family and Friends – Most people already think of this, but it needs to be on the list. On a personal note, relocation is a little bittersweet for us. We will be moving away from terrific friends, but we are moving a little bit closer to family. The good news is we’re staying in the state, so hopefully, we can visit often. And Orlando is a great halfway point to connect.

Finances and Cost of Living – I think it’s hard to figure out actual cost of living. We looked at those online indexes but I think you can get a better feel when you’re actually spending time in the city. Go to a grocery store and check out prices. Eat dinner at a few different types of places. We’ve been told that property taxes are higher in GNV because of the university, but food and housing are definitely less expensive.

Health Care – Does the city you’re considering have enough health care options? And if this is what you’re calling “your final relocation”, do they have senior or elder care options? I know we don’t like to discuss these things but, at some point, you have to.

News – What makes the news in your chosen city? We added a section to our Google News feed so we could see what people in Gainesville were talking about. Interestingly, it also gave us some perspective about crime in the area, because crime makes the news.

Travel – Since we’re still working full-time, having access to an airport is essential. We’re only a couple of hours from Jacksonville, Tampa, and Orlando. Gainesville has a small airport that flies to Atlanta. And from ATL, you can get anywhere. We also enjoy cruising, so lucky for us there are several cruise ports nearby.

Weather – I know a lot of people want to retire in the warmer temperatures. That’s great, just realize there are tradeoffs. We’re giving up wearing shorts in December, but we don’t have to deal with putting hurricane shutters on our house when we’re in our 70’s. Every city has something.

You probably noticed that I intentionally put the list in alphabetical order. That’s because the priority you attach to each one could be different. For some people, family might be the number one consideration. And for others, it might be finances or weather or something else.

Making the relocation decision for retirement is a big one. It takes time. Keith and I easily spent over a year talking about it. Hopefully, a list like this will give you a few things to consider as you’re making decisions about how to spend your unretirement.

Image captured by Sharlyn Lauby at the 34th Street Graffiti Wall in Gainesville, FL

You Can’t Disrupt Aging Without a Little Planning – #DisruptAging

October 11, 2017 by Sharlyn Lauby Leave a Comment

Disrupt means to cause something to be unable to continue in the normal way. In business, it’s when a new product addresses a market that couldn’t be served. Some examples of disruption include the Internet of Things (IoT), cloud computing, and 3D printing.

Unfortunately, over the years, organizations have latched on to the word “disrupt” and attached it to every new product on the market, even if it isn’t disruptive.

I can’t say that I’m trying to disrupt retirement with this blog, but I do hope to share resources that will make the transition for many of us a little better. One person who is trying to genuinely disrupt our thinking is Jo Ann Jenkins, the current CEO of AARP. She recently released a book, aptly titled “Disrupt Aging: A Bold New Path to Living Your Best Life at Every Age”. I received a copy of the book during this year’s BlogHer conference.

One of the things that I really liked about this book was the casual, conversational style that Jenkins talks about aging. The book is filled with stories and is well organized. It includes a resource section so, it’s a book that someone should think about reading before retirement. Then maybe pick it up every couple of years to see how your thoughts about aging and retirement are evolving. For me, there were three big takeaways from the book:

You must take care of you. I mean this in two ways. First, our physical health is important – eating right, exercise, sleep, etc. It doesn’t mean you can’t ever have a donut, but as we age, we have to think about how to maintain our health and well-being. Disrupting aging is about staying educated about wellness.

We must also find a way to carve out time for our passions. Maybe that’s learning how to play an instrument. Or photography. For me, it’s writing this blog. Taking care of ourselves includes being happy and content. We might not be able to do everything, but we need to find time for enjoyment.

Financial education is important. So often, the entire conversation about retirement is about money. And don’t get me wrong, saving money for retirement is important. But financial education is about more than stocks, annuities, and IRA accounts. To disrupt aging, we get educated and formulate a financial plan for the future.

It’s also about major financial decisions like where to live and whether to rent or buy. Do you want to retire in a walkable city and not own a car? Or live somewhere more remote and figure out how to get around when driving isn’t an option? Financial education is about saving and spending wisely.

Think about an encore. I’m reluctant to say encore career because maybe a second career isn’t what a person wants or needs. But I will say that people need to plan their departure from the workforce. Maybe your encore is moving from full-time to part-time then to full retirement.

It’s possible an encore could involve volunteerism. Or a hobby that turns into a full-time obligation like acting in community theater. Our encore is something that we can pour some energy into. When you get back 8+ hours a day, you probably want to do something with that time in your retirement life.

Efforts to disrupt aging isn’t going to happen overnight. In fact, I’d toss out there that each of us might disrupt aging in our own unique way. But to make the most of our retirement, we have to start thinking about – and planning for – our ability to disrupt aging.

8 Ways to Become a Lifelong Learner

August 23, 2017 by Sharlyn Lauby 1 Comment

As part of your unretirement, you might want to add some new skills. Learning is important. We must continuously learn to remain healthy and relevant.

I believe the term lifelong learner may have become a little stale. Some people have renamed it “self-learning”. Regardless of your age and what you call it, the concept is important. Becoming a lifelong learner takes planning and discipline. I tend to think of it as a practice, similar to mindfulness or an exercise program like Pilates. It’s something I’m constantly working on and getting a little better every day. If you’re looking for ways to create a personal learning practice, here are 8 things to consider:

Admit how you like to learn. There are three primary ways people learn something – auditory, visual, and kinesthetic. It’s important to know your preferred learning style. And that your style might be different at times. For example, when it comes to cooking, I’m a hands-on learner. But if it’s a theory, I prefer auditory or visual.

Realize there’s a difference between what you want to learn and what you need to learn. Just because you’re thinking about retirement doesn’t mean there aren’t things you need to learn. You might want to learn a software program so you can do your own taxes. Or a second language so you can spend part of the year in another country. There may be lots of things we want to know, but what are the new knowledge and skills that will help us accomplish our goals.

Create a learning bucket list. Speaking of wants and needs, find a process that you’re comfortable with for prioritizing learning. Even when you have all the time in the world, you don’t want to take on too many things at once. It will ultimately impact the thing you’re learning at the moment. Create your own list of skills that you want to learn.

Look for learning buddies. IMHO, over half of learning is enjoying the experience. There’s no rule that says self-learning must be done alone. Lifelong learners might find an occasional group meeting to share stories is helpful and valuable to the process. Find a club or a group that will support your learning goals.

Discover new and fun ways to learn things. Today’s technology allows us to learn in ways we could have never imagined. I just discovered that, if I wanted to take a cooking class with famous “shouty” Chef Gordon Ramsay, I can. Or I can learn how to code using Apple’s Swift Playgrounds app. Learning doesn’t have to be boring.

Connect with good sources for learning opportunities. The second thing that technology brings to the learning space is new sources. The good news is there are lots of smart, talented people we can learn from. The hard part is sifting through all of the noise to find them. Maybe our learning buddies (#4) can help.

Schedule time for learning. Block off time on your calendar for learning. Even when you don’t have a formal work schedule. I do not have to tell anyone what will happen if you postpone learning to when you have nothing else to do. Make learning a priority and it will happen. So, schedule an appointment with yourself to learn. You deserve it.

Regularly reflect on your takeaways. Learning should have a purpose. When you decided that you wanted to learn something, there was a reason. Reflect on your learning experience. Ask yourself, “Am I getting out of the learning experience what I hoped?” And if necessary, make adjustments.

Your age has nothing to do with being a lifelong learner. We will never know it all. The best way to manage learning is by developing a personal process of learning because you’re going to be doing it for a long time.

Image captured by Sharlyn Lauby at the 34th Street Graffiti Wall in Gainesville, FL

Let’s Do Lunch with Meals on Wheels #SaveLunch

July 19, 2017 by Sharlyn Lauby Leave a Comment

If you’re not aware, average life expectancy is 78.7 years.

While modern medicine has made great strides, getting older can often still involve some challenges. One of those challenges is being able to live independently, and everything that goes along with it. Like food shopping and cooking meals.

Did you know that 1 in 6 seniors struggles with hunger?

Most of us have heard of Meals on Wheels. It’s the oldest and largest national organizational supporting the more than 5,000 community-based nutrition programs addressing senior hunger and isolation. They work in virtually every community in America and, with the help of more than 2 million volunteers, deliver nutritious meals, friendly visits, and safety checks so America’s seniors can live with independence and dignity.

Did you know that, for the cost of one day in the hospital, Meals on Wheels is able to provide 1 YEAR of senior meals?

Currently, a significant portion of the Meals on Wheels budget is funded by The Older Americans Act (OAA). This piece of federal legislation has been in effect for 50 years. 8 out of 10 Meals on Wheels programs rely on this Federal funding to serve seniors. The rest comes from private donations.

Under the current administration, the Meals on Wheels budget is insecure. Which means that providing nourishment to seniors is in jeopardy. To help focus attention on their situation, they’ve started the Let’s Do Lunch campaign.

I’m not here today to tell you to give money to Meals on Wheels. But I believe this organization does deserve our attention. If you can give, please do and many thanks. Maybe you can spare an hour or two to become a volunteer. Write your legislators and let them know what you think about this. Blog or Facebook or Tweet your two-cents.

I ran across this quote from former U.S. Vice President Hubert H. Humphrey that seems so fitting for the situation we’re facing right now.

“It was once said that the moral test of government is how that government treats those who are in the dawn of life, the children; those who are in the twilight of life, the elderly; and those who are in the shadows of life, the sick, the needy and the handicapped.”

If we all do just a little, we can give Meals on Wheels a lot. Let’s do lunch with Meals on Wheels.